I don't know what this blog is or what I'm doing with it. What I do know is the process of leaving an abusive marriage and trying to get divorced is destroying me. Most days I wish I had the courage to cut my hands off with a cleaver. Really, it's nothing I'll do, I just have recurring daydreams about taking myself out so i don't have to deal with this shit anymore. I don't even know when the process of ending my marriage started. Was it the day we got married almost 12 years ago?